Over time, reading their letters and learning about what they were like, I’ve developed my own idea of how they would have sounded, pretty independent from any of the (amazing) actors who have played them.
Hamilton was a talker (as we all now know :)), but many people also enjoyed hearing him speak. He was often soft spoken, and I imagine his voice being deep and soothing, almost hypnotic, with just the slightest hint of a foreign accent. Eliza, I imagine, had a similarly soft, gentle manner of speaking, but also possessed a rich voice and a musical, contagious sort of laugh.
Sure. She was social, loyal, caregiving, insecure, proud, sensitive, judgmental and impulsive throughout her life.
As a girl, she was somewhat of a tomboy who knew her father’s land very well and made fun of others inability to climb rocks like she could. She helped with the raising of her younger siblings. Her mother was not a very hands on mother and seemed to pass the buck to her daughters as a way to prepare them for their future roles. She may have been a bit coquettish and none of her or her sisters fell for the infantrymen when they descended onto their parents’ house and made life a little miserable for the Schuyler family. She likely had her eye on a bigger prize. She was also obedient of her parents, including setting aside her own wishes so they could throw her a wedding.
As a mother and a wife, she said that she had a passion for homemaking. I think she liked that role and appears to have excelled at her. Her husband said he could not be happier in a wife and her children described her as the best wife, mother, woman, etc. She was also generous with what she had–from taking in Fanny to raise to being charitable to other poor women and children to sitting in a jail to have her portrait done and encouraging her friends to do the same to help the artist. She was also extremely social during this time. She and her husband went to the theater and balls and dinners and (though I’ve seen different sources on this) she likely had a night that was hers for entertaining the other ladies of the court. She was also a great help to her husband in his work and took on his enemies as her own.
As a widow, she was dedicated to her children, her husband’s memory, and the New York Orphan Asylum, where she had a very active role and took it extremely seriously. She ran it with a few other women who she seemed to treasure and them her. I think in many ways, she took her years as a political wife and really put it to use for that organization. But I also think it was a mark on how seriously she took her religion. I also personally think it was in many ways a coping mechanism after all the tragic loses she’d experienced. For a long time after her husband’s death, she seemed to be in a pretty deep depression. The orphanage gave her purpose. In her 80s, she was still traveling, as she went to visit her son William out west where she picked wild flowers in the mornings. There’s also a charming story about her climbing over a fence to get to a kid’s house rather than walk the long way. She definitely had a streak of independence. She was also very social, especially after moving to Washington D.C. in the 1840s. There, she was often called on by sitting presidents and, if she went to the president’s house for dinner, she became a belle again. She also designed the floral pattern on her couch, which is that excellent homemaker in her coming out.
You know, yes, the letters Hamilton wrote to Eliza are adorable, hilarious, no chill, etc.
But you want to talk about someone with abandonment issues, look no further than Alexander Hamilton.
This is why how he writes to John and Eliza is so important. Why you can mark who he loves by that desperation, that neediness he has to KNOW they love him, to KNOW they won’t leave him, to KNOW they haven’t forgotten him.
Yes, it’s funny. Yes, it’s deeply sad. Don’t be fooled by the bluster in how he writes to say Kitty Livingston and believe Hamilton is bought by passion.
Remember he’s a boy whose father left him and whose mother died, with wounds so deep that his survival is a near miracle. Remember how he clung to any attention his father showed him, near begging his dad just to love him. And remember how scared he must have been that anyone he loved would leave him too.
And remember how self-destructive that can make you.
I feel like they were actually pretty good parents, if somewhat typical for their time (Eliza is going to do day to day stuff; Hamilton will take care of the boys’ education, etc). They didn’t buddy up to their kids. Like, being a parent is not about being your child’s friend! At the same time, they were loving (like I can’t get over that letter to Philip that’s like “we love you and are so proud of you”).
Like, not to make them seem perfect or like they had perfect children, but I feel like there’s this attitude of “we are in charge so fall in line” that I think their kids probably responded to, in part because they were also really loving.
I also don’t see either of them as yellers. It was said that if Eliza were upset, her voice got very low. And Ham was also soft-spoken, even if he talked for 1000 years one time without stopping.
As far as like correcting behavior (making sure they were polite and knew their manners, etc.), that definitely seems to have fallen on Eliza, which would’ve been expected. She was the one up early doing the bible lessons with the little ones while preparing breakfast, etc. She was also, of course, the one at the window waving them off when she couldn’t come kiss them during the Yellow Fever scare.
I also love that story of someone coming over and Ham is taking a break from working and playing with his kids on the ground, but I don’t know how chill I think he necessarily was. I think he may have been indulgent (it’s possible they both were), but he is also the dude that wrote out the Rules for Philip Hamilton, which are pretty helicopter parent-like. He was also the parent who wanted to make sure none of the kids was ever without a parent. They both seemed concerned, especially, about NYC after the turn of the century and were pretty watchful over those kids, if they weren’t being sent to Albany where they might be protected from the evil city.
I think these two wanted to be parents and liked being parents. The way Ham talks about his kids is so fucking cute (see: baby Philip; toddler Eliza). And I love when Philip Schuyler tried to keep them longer in 1793, the Hams were like “nah. Send us back our kids! We love them!” I think it’s clear Ham was delighted by them and he seemed to think Eliza was a pretty fantastic mother and his children did not disagree.
But I do think if something major happened, Hamilton could definitely turn on the scary dad voice. I have a feeling a lot of the squabbles between the siblings were dealt with by Eliza, in part because we don’t hear Ham having a reaction to them in his letters, right? There’s no “I will deal with Alex and James when I get home,” etc. But, like, I’m positive he would be the one to give out a harsh punishment.
In fact, Ham being in charge of the Big Choices (punishment/education/career) seemed to really weigh on Eliza after he died when it was all left to her. Those are big things to take on when you’re used to either your partner doing it or at least having your partner to discuss it with.
At the Grange, his office was pretty much private. Unless you were Eliza, you need permission to enter. So, like, just imagine being one of his teenage sons and being called into dad’s office. Yikes.
So yeah, I guess to ultimately answer your question, I think, like anything, it just depends on the circumstance.
Seriously great Hamilton/Betsy and founders art dolls at his site.
Wow ! 😀
A spirit entering into bliss, heaven opening upon all its faculties, cannot long more ardently for the enjoyment, than I do my darling Betsey, to taste the heaven that awaits me in your bosom. Is my language too strong? It is a feeble picture of my feelings—no words can tell you how much I love and how much I long—you will only know it when wrapt in each others arms we give and take those delicious caresses which love inspires and marriage sanctifies…
Alexander Hamilton, sexting his bae since 1780 (via hamiltonandfluff)
Babe, I know you’re a virgin, but I’m not, so TRUST YOU ME it’s going to be awesome.
Imagine John Church reading this letter. Honestly, no wonder he started censoring shit. There’s only so much you can take about how much your dad wants to bang people.
Daintyfire 